Blogging, Soapboxing, and Other Common Mistakes
As the college football and school seasons have drawn to a close (a bittersweet time of the year for Ol' Beefster), huge chunks of time just start falling out of the sky. They land where you least expect them; sometimes pleasantly, like snow flakes drifting on to your outstretched tongue (three hours for lunch? Kick-butt); sometimes abruptly, like a thunderstorm that gets your outdoor lab cancelled (sleeping in till 11? Deal); sometimes violently, like huge asteroids landing on your foot before Ben Affleck can pilot a spaceship to blow them up (extra observation hours? Over break? Dagnabbit). And because there are only so many national championships you can win on NCAA 2006 (working on number 8), the recently-dormant Thoughts has undergone copious revising and renovating.
As is usually the case, this has resulted in higher volumes of people reading and viewing the site; I know because the people who let me have http://beefthoughts.com also provide all kinds of data about what page is visited when by how many people. In exchange, I agree to distribute pro-Patriot Act propaganda. These statistics are the kind of thing that you find interesting after reading the Ohio State Media Guide cover-to-cover everyday in an effort to find obscure bragging points for recruits.
Truthfully, there are some pretty interesting statistics. For example, the most read Beef Thought, far and away, is Pornography, Michigan, and Other Unpleasant Topics of Conversation. As far as I can discern, there are only three viable reasons for this thought to have attracted significantly more readership than the others:
1. There are a lot of Michigan fans here.
2. There are a lot of people who enjoy unpleasant topics of conversation.
3. There are a lot of people who thought there would actually be pornography involved.
Let's address each case individually. Is it likely that there are a lot of Michigan fans perusing a site created and maintained by a lifelong, die-hard, dedicated, insufferable Ohio State fan? Maybe a few, out of sheer morbid curiosity. But there are other Thoughts that deal with Michigan directly; if you were a Wolverine fan, wouldn't you click on Excuses, "Hail to the Victors", and Other Things We Don't Need to Hear Anymore first? I would. But that is one of the least-read of them all.
We find that explanation #1 is not very plausible. How about #2? Do a lot of people enjoy unpleasant topics of conversation? Judging by how often people bring up President Bush's many errors, you might think "yes". But I would posit that people who spend a lot of time worrying about politics need to be better fans of their respective sports teams. In general, I think it is safe to say that people prefer pleasant topics of conversation--or if not pleasant, at least humorous. You wouldn't click on a website like http://www.thegrossestpicture.com unless you figured it would be funny. We can rule out that possible explanation as well.
Which leaves us with only one reason for said article to be the most read: people figured there would be pornography. Let's be very clear here, team: I don't have any porn, and I'm definitely not sharing it with any of you. That is a good way to get arrested, and given Beef's long legal history and current probationary status, any more arrests would mean a long hiatus.
And while we are on the topic of misunderstandings concerning Beef Thoughts, let's clear up one more issue. This site is not a blog. It is not a journal. It is definitely not a diary. But most especially, it is not a blog. I hate a lot of things about blogs; the way they are almost always either depressing or complaining, the way that news organizations actually try to reference them as reliable sources, the way that the time-starved have changed their name from "Web Log" to "Blog", and the education-starved have changed "Blog" to "blog". In general, I am anti-blog.
So for the sake of Beef, if you're looking for pornography or for a blog, check out one of the millions of other options. If you're looking for Ultra Top Ten Lists, you've found the right place.
One Line Summary: you're BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE, TEAM.
the rest of the thoughts 12.14.05